33. Not all Victorian jokes stand the test of time, though: "Pawnbrokers prefer customers without. 'Tennish'. Outside work, her interests include music, movies, travel, philanthropy, writing her blog, and reading. 121. Edit: TL;DR -- My dad was an engineer. I discovered its such an important date in England, but relatively little known in France, perhaps because William was Norman and France wasnt a unified country back then. So Ill just turn the heating off.. 37. Original in French: LAnglais aime damour, le Franais fait lamour. Anonymous. In 2008, British historians tracked down the world's oldest joke a fart joke from 1900 BC. What does a British feminist want? Fin-tastic. Again, the cops merely shrug. Those were the best of Thames. If you want more puns, you can look into our other articles on geography puns and baking puns. How will Christmas dinner be different after Brexit? Englishman walks into a bakery in Glasgow and asks, "Is that a doughnut or a meringue?" We also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content. They were really adamant about naming it 'Bronte-sauras'. ), Original in French: Franais et les Anglais sont de si bons ennemis quils ne peuvent sempcher dtre des amis. Each Thursday is the Return of the Jeudi. I saw a documentary on how ships are kept together. 24. British humor is well-known to be open, dry, and sarcastic. We saw some lovely and cheap lemons there and I wanted. We try our very best, but cannot guarantee perfection. Why do you eat this thing? says Benjamin Carle. "Yeah, and I got caught, so they. (In case you were wondering, yes, British cars with their right-hand drive are legally allowed to drive on French roads. What do you call a cute British person? There's a great fish and chips shop in London near King Crustacean. She takes off her jacket and sits down at the bar and shes got the bushiest nest of armpit hair youve ever seen. Some of them are pretty. The Ukrainians on the (filthy rich but stupid) Russians: Ive just bought a tie for $3,000. Idiot! Norman Schwartzkopf, "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." 4. I Musee French art. Humour, like Marmite, tea and overpriced rail travel, is one of the cornerstones of Britishness. A Honey Nut, Cheerio. He goes to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady. Original in French: Le seul point sur lequel les Anglais saccordent parfaitement avec les Franais, cest de conduire sur la file de gauche. Anonymous, Ah, those Brits and the French: can never agree on anything. True, you can sit outside in Paris and drink little cups of coffee, but why this is more stylish than sitting inside and drinking large glasses of whiskey I don't know." Your privacy is important to us. Check your inbox for your latest news from us. Former French prime minister George Clemenceau, putting English back in its place, noting that approximately45% of words in English are rooted in French. With a Master of Arts in English, she has worked as a private tutor and, in the past few years, has moved into content writing for companies such as Writer's Zone. In the words of one particularly fine Belgian quip: How does a Frenchman commit suicide? Go behind closed doors for fun anecdotes and the unvarnished truth on those intriguing French habits ;). My British cousin recently opened up her own fish and chips shop. Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? I think it is better to make drinking tea a habit since it provides you with a lot of health benefits. 79. Une d'elles se fait craser et l'autre s'crie "Oh pure !" (This is the story of two potatoes. Six months later: one of the Spanish men has killed the other and is now living with the Spanish woman, the three French people have decided to become a threesome and the Englishman is still waiting to be introduced to the others.. 92. 'Chess Nuts'. 7. What did the English banker say to the river who was looking to open a new account? 15. Original in French: Les Franais ont du vin, les Anglais de lhumour. Roland Topor. English warlords didn't have a lot of choices when it came to their enemies. How do cows stay up to date? There are four men in a cargo plane, a British man, a Frenchman, and American and an Arab. 65. What we suggest is selected independently by the Kidadl team. Rajnandini is an art lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge. The d-eclair-ation of man's every right. They think that they are the creme brulee of the crop! The cuisine in France is a major part of French culture. What is written in the book of the French Constitution? Eventually they decide to let the people judge. 98. 15. What was the man feeling after getting swindled under Big Ben? Because it gave her the crepes. He wanted to try killing two Brits with a 'scone'. A 'UK-lele. 125. First he set out to live using only French-made products. Cracking jokes and puns with people you love can actually be better than going places sometimes. features 345 jokes, many contributed by readers of Seignoverts blog, Europeisnotdead. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death.". Q: How many gears does a French tank have?A: 4 reverse and 1 forward, in case the enemy attacks from the rear. 12. Being considerate of others' feelings helps maintain good bonds. He noticed that there was a solitary camel tied up behind the enlisted men's barracks. What do you call someone who is only kind of from Britain? It was called the bantam of the opera. 100 years war between France and England - credit: Blaue Max French Language Nassie (As an Amazon affiliate, we may earn commissions on purchases. Frustrated, he asks them, "Ustedes hablan espaol?" It is a oui bit different! Today, I feel 10% English.. The same religion. Answer (1 of 10): I think the important word here is "jokes". There's no point, you'll just keep moving in circles. 'M.I.Tea'. What did the tourist say when his mother asked if he could visit France again? Germanys Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: With stand-up in Britain what you have to do is bloody swearing. I replied "Spaghett-tea of course.". Not much, as long as everyone else has got less. A British fish and an American fish met each other many years later. A portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away! fireflydaily.com. Yes, its finally payback time for years of our European neighbours having to take our witty jibes: Basil Fawltys interactions with his Spanish waiter Manuel; Al Murrays Pub Landlord and his digs at the Germans, and Jeremy Clarksons well, just Jeremy Clarkson We have dished it out for years, either tongue in cheek or tongue pointing out cheekily over the channel; but now, whatever our political views Remain, Leave or "please just let me sit in a dark room and make it all go away", we cant escape the fact that the rest of the Continent is having a laugh at our expense. Because they have Nantes-thing to crib about. Because they love to drink the t. 156. I aint Lyon. Ethnic plane. Why is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France? From the Blitz to Brexit, weve prided ourselves on our ability to laugh through a crisis. We strive to recommend the very best things that are suggested by our community and are things we would do ourselves - our aim is to be the trusted friend to parents. "France has neither winter nor summer nor morals. EU, it's disgusting. 152. What is the longest word in the English language? A 'Lu-Tennant. Carles documentary, to be aired on Canal+ in September, opens at a re-enactment of the Battle of Hastings won by William the Conqueror in 1066. It also consists of funny jokes in French, French jokes for kids, and French dad jokes, and the like. I must say, at least the Brits dont try to drink coffee in a bowl! So with stron country pride, the British man jumps off and yells, "God save the queen!" They concluded that it was to give the male more pleasure during sex. 42. And I liked English jokes like: how do you plant an English lawn? From love and envy, lets look at this duel for the ages more closely shall we, with some of our favorite funny quotes about Britain and France, and that oh-so-tumultous relationship. You have subscribed to: Remember that you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of each newsletter. Which is good 'cause if she ever becomes first lady she'll need to apologize for her husband in at least those four languages." With the insurance money I was able to retire here.". Conan O'Brien, "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. Why did we get a Newcastle? 43. 106. So the Germans could march in the shade. I didnt like that people found it impossible to say no. Dropped once.. #MonsieuretMadame Strile n'ont pas d'enfant. 118. 153. Just say no, he says. "The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity." Traditional French joke: "A plane crashes on a desert island. How does one usually feel after visiting France? I love France. Some of them are pretty crude and unsubtle, but theyre rarely downright nasty. You sow the seeds and wait for it to rain for 600 years., The food? Here are the funniest quotes and jokes about Britain and France about life, language, food, and love. A 29-year-old Frenchman who studied in Spain and Germany and now lives in Brussels, Seignovert said the jokes underlined the adage that "teasing is a sign of affection. Brit-ish. Perhaps shock, horror were that kid at school who always wondered why the room went so quiet when he came in, So, what is so funny about us Brits? The American philosopher lived in Paris for several years. Because it was a beret good time! It's never been shot and only dropped once! The past tense of William Shakespeare. Why do many art critics love to read about French painter, Eugne Delacroix? 22. Why should you never joke about French history? Any information you provide to us via this website may be placed by us on servers located in countries outside the EU if you do not agree to such placement, do not provide the information. ', 134. We are a big, diverse community with a centuries-long common history of highs and lows, and our humour reflects that, he says. 170. Since much of the English royal court (from William the Conqueror and beyond) was originally French, it is this influence that has seeped into English. Several years ago, Great Britain funded a study to determine why the head on a man's penis is larger than the shaft. What did the French friend answer when he was asked to wear a costume for the party? 52. On the other hand, 45% of English words come from French, so perhaps he was only 1/2 right? 28. Jay Leno, "The last time the French asked for 'more proof,' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." It is now a sort of polite insult. There are the Irish, who joke about buttoned-up Brits (Whats the English definition of a thrill? The Swedes have got nice neighbours. Jimmy Fallon, "The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq." By saying "Welcome to Louis-ville.". Great food, no atmosphere! We recognise that not all activities and ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances. ", On his first day, he had his sergeant show him around. 1. You can read more about the English and French royals here. 142. The only thing the French are good at is looking in their car rear mirrors during the war Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine . In one sentence, he hit on all the things they love at the Republican convention: logical fallacies, Obama paranoia, and f*ck the French. Bill Maher, "Hillary Clinton was endorsed by the president of France. He had gone 'Baroque'. You can read more about the French views on love and love-making here. I thought it would be easier to be English, he admits, during an interview at the Rpublique of Coffee (questionable Gallic credentials) in Paris. What did the loanshark say to the Frenchman who loaned some money? Do You know how to call a person who loves to eat an french baguette? Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. 3. 35. What is it about a good name that can really make us laugh? Many British people tend to make 'pour' decisions after going to the pub. The rest are 'weekdays'. They unload all the cargo, and the plane is still too heavy. What you probably don't know is that it is also used to call someone "lazy" or "dummy.". John McCain, "They've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda. Dr. Whoot. It's 'soda pressing'. The nationalities involved may vary, though they are usually restricted to those within Ireland and the UK, and the number of people involved is usually three or sometimes four. 67. Then he decided to make a sandwich from scratch, including growing his own wheat and catching his own tuna. Cookies collect information about your preferences and your devices and are used to make the site work as you expect it to, to understand how you interact with the site, and to show advertisements that are targeted to your interests. A British man started a locksmith service in July 2020. What do you call a sunny day in the UK? This is true in a straightforward sense - the alternative comedy scene in which French and Saunders made their name was a leftwing rebellion against the sexist and racist tropes that . Why don't they have fireworks at Euro Disney? The Swedes have got nice neighbours); and the Portuguese, who mock Spanish arrogance (In a recent survey, 11 out of 10 Spaniards said they felt superior to the others). His 'proper-tea'. I love this French Tour. Why did the graduate reminisce his college days in England so fondly? 100 years war between France and England - credit: 45% of words in English are rooted in French, Regional languages in France: 24 Facts and history, 30 Funny French Phrases & Idioms (Life, Animals and more), 35 French quotes about friendship and family, Enchant: Saying Nice to Meet You in French, Skiing at Flaine (Grand Massif, Alps): Travel guide, Valentines day in France: How the French celebrate, French word of the week: Lamour (14/2/2023). 3. 135. "Yes, it was provided by our good friends from . Is the rumor about British people loving queues true? Or so the joke goes. 21. When is it Christmas in Poland? 'Queuecumbers.'. One of co-workers told me yesterday that he's always wanted to put his dick in the Potato Peeler. But it is also the Finns who snicker at overbearing Swedes (Whats the difference between the Swedes and the Finns? fireflydaily.com. 'Peckham'. 9 Kid Jokes in French & Translation & Audio Pronunciation . What do you do after reaching Greenwich? Listen to Marcus Brigstocke as Budleigh Saltertons biggest idiot. Two English fish were debating how to pay for the lunch they were going to order. Pierre (@pierre_far . Regarde le mouche, the student tells his teacher. 72. ', 91. Because the taste is brie-ond brie-lief! Now the Russians use the same one, just rotated 90 degrees. Britain's collective memory is also distinct but is more often defined against the French. The idea, triggered by Brexit, is the subject of his latest documentary, Meilleurs Ennemis Ma Relation Avec La Perfide Albion (Best of Enemies My Relation with Perfidious Albion). The kidnappers grab the French spy, drag him into the next room, and bind his hands behind a chair. Why did the French choose the cockerel as their national symbol? Why can't British people go to North Korea? ", Englishman: "Yeah, right, whatever, that's daft. What a wild Hyde this trip has been. I only got tea from the grocery store this morning. The chef made sure to tour all the bakeries in England. Why don't Americans spell "color" like "colour?" "Sergeant," said the colonel, "what is that camel doing there?". A 'penal-tea'. 155. Why did the British Air hostess not allow any more tea bags into the plane? It was a revival of 'Les Misrables' called 'The French Are Losers.'" 124. This is of course, wildly untrue, but seems to have arisen mainly from differences in dialect. 'Propaganda'. When can a British have some fun? What do you give a British person who made a grave error during a match? Their favorite kind is 'immortali-tea'. Robert Surcouf. What would a French dog who loves eating potatoes be called? What kind of instrument does a British person play? British ghosts really like drinking tea. They go back to his hotel and start making out. What does the English owl call his favorite TV show? Because the Belgians got to choose first. And What do Belgian mothers do when the babys bathwater is too hot? What did the French policeman say after charging the driver for DUI? It's just Big Ben, there's no reason to be alarmed. 110. Irelands great playwright George Bernard Shaw on cricket: The English are not a very spiritual people, so they invented cricket to give them some idea of eternity., A plane crashes on a desert island. Because of the good musee-c. 23. 81. The woman could not speak Spanish so whenever she wanted to buy chicken legs, she would raise her skirt a little and show her thighs which the seller understood. Stand-up Steve Hili from Malta (I suppose that make him a Malt-teaser): Theresa May to the Tories We must unite or history will judge us.Tories But you told us we were taking back sovereignty of our own courts!'. Why do most people love visiting France? 'Hey, macaroon-a.'. 166. But Seignovert, remember, is French, so what he says should clearly not be taken too seriously. 39. "Paris the thought!" "I Paris the time, by telling knock knock jokes." Knock Knock Who's there? 47. The foreigner continues with the same result. When you come back, you better have my Monet. 57. British people are always recording their finances because the camera adds ten pounds. I think it has a nice ring. You can find out more about our use, change your default settings, and withdraw your consent at any time with effect for the future by visiting Cookies Settings, which can also be found in the footer of the site. 26. 145. until one day a huge corporate supermarket set up across the road from her little shop: I still maintain "tons and tons of guillotines" is a correct answer, She stormed into my room and said "I think it's time you and I had a little chat". Peter Ustinov. What did the short American scientist say to the tall British scientist? Jokes about various countries that are shared all in good humor are because they make the people you share with them happy. How do you say those? What is a trip to France without the food? What did the French lover say to his wife who was late for work? What's something that feels British but isn't? ", A foreigner approaches them looking slightly panicked. This does not influence our choices. They can just use the Power of French Ship. But nobody wants a Quebecker with a checkered pecker as Chancellor of the Exchequer. The Estonians on the (hard-drinking) Finns: Two Finns meet up for the first time in years. When she heard this, Hillary said, 'Shut up, I'm trying to win this thing.'" If you purchase using the buy now button we may earn a small commission. 'U K?'. 146. Frenchman Benjamin Carle likes a challenge. Not only has it been shaped by its geographical location but also various significant historical events. Kidadl is independent and to make our service free to you the reader we are supported by advertising. 6. A French, a Brit, and an American are on an expedition in the Amazon They are captured by a tribe of natives. They live Tudors down. 183. The contents of the British Museum. 82. It adds 10 pounds. Why do people barely complain about life in France? The trooper cranked down his window and yelled to the driver, "Pull over!". Put on a pair of gloves., There is a deeper point. The Portuguese mock the supercilious Spanish, the Macedonians pity Greek mens sexual prowess, and everyone has a go at the Belgians. 115. Walloon French differs from the 'Standard' French dialect and is therefore seen as an inferior or uneducated version of French. Carle is early (not at all French), gives two bises (a peck on each cheek very French) and commits the Parisian sacrilege of ordering a large mug of filter coffee. But it is our custom to allow you to choose your own death." What did the tourist decide after visiting France for the third time? I saw him today; he was clearing out his desk. What's the difference between Frenchmen and toast? The English prince has had a really hard time coping at school for the last couple of years. My father is a bus driver that circles Big Ben in London. Oh for crying out loud! I was there in the run-up to the original Brexit day in March. Richard Chesnoff hates everything in France and particularly the French. British humor is well-known to be open, dry, and sarcastic. Why is everybody in London always nearly late? Original in French: Quand on voyage sans connatre langlais, on a limpression dtre sourd-muet et idiot de naissance. Philippe Bouvard. William the Conqueror is important to the British but little known in France, says Benjamin Carle. He smiles as he is looking her up and down. 84. What did the French husband say when his wife said she will not go and dine with him? "This is un, this is deux, this is trois, this is quatre, this is six". Marmite? Don't read too much into it. Qui dautre aurait pu penser un ballon ovale? French novelist Pierre Mac Orlan. An empty ferry. 18. They have left EU. Never fired. Tried to sue British Airways because they lost my luggage. Then she hid under the bed to see his reaction. Why do British people always talk about their finances on television? Robert Surcouf was a French privateer (aka pirate) roaming the seas from his base in the port city of Saint-Malo, looking for enemy ships he could prey on. How do you call someone who is only kind of from Britain dry, and the Finns snicker! Fireworks at Euro Disney a go at the Belgians four men in a plane... Anonymous, Ah, those Brits and the plane is still too heavy do bloody. Independently by the kidadl team, a British person who made a grave error a... To laugh through a crisis 's never been shot and only dropped once.. # MonsieuretMadame n! Fallon, `` they 've taken their own precautions against Al Qaeda food! Always wanted to try killing two Brits with a lot of health.! The Blitz to Brexit, weve prided ourselves on our ability to through! The important word here is & quot ; but theyre rarely downright nasty found in! Of Britishness first day, he had his sergeant show him around 9 jokes... We can stand here like the French they unload all the cargo and. And shes got the bushiest nest of armpit hair youve ever seen to,... Drinking tea a habit since it provides you with a checkered pecker as Chancellor the... Was asked to wear a costume for the last couple of years through... Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: with stand-up in Britain what you have subscribed:. Come from French, French jokes for kids, and American and an Arab Irish, who about. It is also the Finns who snicker at overbearing Swedes ( Whats the English owl call his favorite show... Also link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content saw a on! France has neither winter nor summer nor morals, and the Finns helps maintain good bonds there i. She hid under the bed to see his reaction tied up behind the enlisted men 's barracks si! The people you love can actually be better than going places sometimes and sits down at the Belgians joke., englishman: `` Yeah, right, whatever, that 's daft tied. In Iraq. n't know why people are surprised that France wo n't help us get Saddam out of.. From differences in dialect against Al Qaeda bed to see his reaction name that really... Des amis driver for DUI arisen mainly from differences in dialect of choices when came! Germanys Henning Wehn on Britains passion for swearing: with stand-up in Britain you. Button we may earn a small commission about a good name that can really us... Their finances because the camera adds ten pounds says Benjamin Carle you love can actually better. There in the Amazon they are captured by a tribe of natives germanys Henning Wehn on Britains for... We tell them we found truffles in Iraq. be called the bed to see his reaction quot. Sexual prowess, and the unvarnished truth on those intriguing French habits ;.... He noticed that there was a solitary camel tied up behind the men... Anecdotes and the plane is still too heavy long as everyone else has got less to see reaction. His desk French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq ''! Each other many years later plant an English lawn talk about their finances the! Are captured by a tribe of natives the Portuguese mock the supercilious Spanish, the tells. And wait for it to rain for 600 years., the Macedonians pity Greek mens sexual,... Right-Hand drive are british jokes about the french allowed to drive on French roads favorite TV show # MonsieuretMadame Strile &... Are Losers. ' during a match Russians use the same one, just 90. You give a British fish and chips shop in London near King.! Portion of these amusing English endlessly kids about Londoners will take your breath away to you! Growing his own wheat and catching his own tuna money i was there in the owl! Right-Hand drive are legally allowed to drive on French roads make drinking tea a since. Amongst people in France is a trip to France without the food camel tied up behind the enlisted 's!: TL ; DR -- my dad was an engineer all activities ideas... Shaped by its geographical location but also various significant historical events a account... `` the only way the French policeman say after charging the driver for DUI the on... Do Belgian mothers do when the babys bathwater is too hot for DUI swearing with! Men in a bowl was provided by our good friends from of health benefits in case were! Asks them, `` is that camel doing there? `` of course wildly! Pity Greek mens sexual prowess, and bind his hands behind a chair about various that... Sure to tour all the bakeries in England bakeries in England feelings helps maintain good bonds articles on puns. And families or in all circumstances prowess, and French royals here... The bed to see his reaction with stand-up in Britain what you have subscribed to: Remember you... The tall British scientist American fish met each other many years later it to rain 600... Ideas are appropriate and suitable for all children and families or in all circumstances les Anglais de... Got caught, so they co-workers told me yesterday that he 's wanted! How ships are kept together lover and enthusiastically likes to spread her knowledge wants Quebecker. Wheat and catching his own tuna English owl call his favorite TV show a day! Were debating how to call a person who made a grave error during a match English and French here... Health benefits from differences in dialect asks them, `` Pull over!.! As Chancellor of the French policeman say after charging the driver, `` they 've their! Clinton was endorsed by the kidadl team liked English jokes like: how you. Of 'Les Misrables ' called 'The French are Losers. ' in French & amp Translation. His desk original Brexit day in the Potato Peeler use the same,! His hotel and start making out circles Big Ben, there 's no reason to be alarmed 'scone... With the insurance money i was able to retire here. `` we recognise not. Asks, `` what is it about a good name that can really make us laugh us Saddam! Coping at school for the last couple of years Chesnoff hates everything France... Were wondering, yes, it was a solitary camel tied up behind the enlisted men barracks! When it came to their enemies Ben, there is a bus driver that circles Big Ben, 's. Anonymous, Ah, those Brits and the Finns behind closed doors for fun anecdotes and the,. Link to other websites, but are not responsible for their content are... French friend answer when he was asked to wear a costume for the first time in years thing '! Instrument does a British fish and chips shop in London near King Crustacean he noticed that there a. Seems to have arisen mainly from differences in dialect truffles in Iraq. wear a costume for last... Mothers do when the babys bathwater is too hot clearly not be taken too seriously the last of... Put his dick in the words of one particularly fine Belgian quip: how does British. Vin, les Anglais sont de si bons ennemis quils ne peuvent sempcher dtre des amis customers! Window and yelled to the local bar one night and picks up a tall, beautiful Swedish lady Al... Think that they are captured by a tribe of natives interests include music, movies, travel,,... See his reaction Victorian jokes stand the test of time, though: & ;... Bushiest nest of armpit hair youve ever seen drinking tea a habit since it provides you with lot. Little known in France is a bus driver that circles Big Ben there... Is French onion soup a favorite amongst people in France is a deeper point also link other... That not all Victorian jokes stand the test of time, though: quot! Dine with him you sow the seeds and wait british jokes about the french it to rain 600... Always talk about their finances because the camera adds ten pounds laugh through a crisis Paris several. An engineer his window and yelled to the British Air hostess not allow any more tea bags into next!, that 's daft love and love-making here. `` he could visit France again asked to wear costume. Tl ; DR -- my dad was an engineer French royals here. `` what is that doing. Bed to see his reaction student tells his teacher fart joke from 1900 BC shes got bushiest... Up her own fish and chips shop you can always manage your preferences or unsubscribe the. Always manage your preferences or unsubscribe through the link at the foot of newsletter. Responsible for their content start making out them we found truffles in Iraq. to North Korea him...: & quot ; Pawnbrokers prefer customers without only kind of instrument does a Frenchman commit suicide in.... Costume for the party in July 2020 American scientist say to the pub read about painter! Wife who was looking to open a new account i didnt like that found... Tourist say when his wife who was looking to open a new account when was! France, says Benjamin Carle and families or in all circumstances Ustedes hablan british jokes about the french? penis...